True Detective Rumors: 5 Worst Detective Pairings Possible

April Fool’s Day is the one day you can trust the internet even less than you already do for information you seek. While rumors and ‘scoops’ are all over the place to make the internet an unreliable place, but April Fool’s Day is the one day where just about everything you read is false.

Not everything is something to joke about, but we do see an increase in rumors and death hoaxes on April Fool’s Day and the HBO series True Detective was no exception to this. While a normal day is usually filled with rumors about casting, Tuesday saw perhaps the biggest peak in terms of the rumor mill spinning faster than it probably should have been.

Just about everyone who is or ever has been famous was linked to the next season of True Detective and we picked out the best worst choices we heard on Tuesday as far as supposed detective pairings went, including a few we dreamed up ourselves.

Taylor Swift and Aubrey Plaza

This was actually one of the April Fool’s Day hoaxes that started floating around, although it’s unknown just how far it’s reach was. This would be a good parody to watch but even that might be one of the most unbearably dry and unfunny things we’ve ever seen.

Dan Aykyrod and Bill Murray

Hey, Ghostbusters wasn’t that bad so how bad could it really be? Murray is actually a pretty solid ‘serious’ actor but this really would only be complete if it was Wes Anderson presents True Detective. We might actually want to watch that. 

Big Momma and Madea

Martin Lawrence did the Madea game way before Tyler Perry decided to rip him off and make hundreds of millions of dollars. A True Detective with Lawrence as Big Momma from Bog Momma’s House and Madea from everything Tyler Perry has ever filmed would either be the most boring thing ever made or the biggest sellout in the history of human existence. Lawrence and Perry as straight actors may be something but in character this is a nightmare. 

Pharrell and Pharrell’s Hat

This is actually brilliant, this needs to happen. Someone get me Nick Pizzolatto’s contact information because we’re making this happen.

Ellen Page and Anyone

I hate to harp on Ellen Page’s acting talents but she brings next to nothing to the table every time she’s on screen. Name one memorable scene she’s ever been in — you can’t. She just stood there saying sarcastic teenage cliches for most of Juno, she was useless in the horrible X Men 3 disaster and she’s the only casting mistake that Christopher Nolan as ever made. It’s not that she’s a terrible actress, it’s just that she’s supporting material at the very best.